There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
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You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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