So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
