my phone needs a breathalizer
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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