just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
