u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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