i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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