Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I could fuck to npr.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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