My brain says no but my pants say off.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
