I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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