you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
