you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Randomize
