Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
