Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
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Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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