addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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