Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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