Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
