I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
