I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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