She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
