I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
