I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
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he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
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Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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