Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
