found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
