if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
ttyl tear gas
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
