ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
God, I missed his penis.
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