Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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