I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Is it penis luge time yet?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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