You're earring is so big in my mouth
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
