So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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