I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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