he wants to bone in the snuggie
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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