she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
