is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
