My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
