Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
