I think scott just propositioned me for sex
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
