I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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