i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
