I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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