Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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