Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize