wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
