i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
