I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
