I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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