Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
im on a boat
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