you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
