he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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