We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
