I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
