What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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