To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
