Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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