Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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