Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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