I hate all girls vehemently.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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