Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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