He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
