I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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