The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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