If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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