...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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