its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
